What About Dads/Partners?
Birthing With a Doula
Perhaps the most frequently asked question by expectant parents considering hiring a doula is what role the father/partner will take if a doula is present. The answer will depend on the couple. The doula encourages the father/partner to participate in the birth as much as he/she feels comfortable doing so. Some people clearly don’t feel comfortable with the birthing process and would prefer a more “hands off” role. But the majority of fathers/partners are right there helping mom through the process. The benefit of having a doula is that it takes the pressure off of the dad/partner to know what to suggest, when to suggest it and how to answer mom’s questions during the labor.
We place a huge burden on fathers/partners these days by insisting they “coach” mom through childbirth, yet we usually leave them alone with very little guidance. Imagine if we gave a person twelve hours of instruction (in this analogy we are assuming he/she took a twelve hour childbirth class which isn’t always the case) on the basics of coaching football. Then on Super Bowl Sunday we placed him/her in the middle of the stadium and said, “Now you coach the game.” He/she would have to come up with the right plays at the right time and make the necessary adjustments. The game was one of the most important games in the lives of the players—one they will never forget. Would we ever do this? No, but we have no problems doing this to them for the birth of their baby. A doula is trained to handle the play-by-play of labor which frees the couple to concentrate on working together through the labor.
A doula is also valuable as a second set of hands and another mind off which to bounce ideas. Sometimes labor can be quite long and the father/partner needs to take breaks to use the restroom, eat a meal, or even take a nap. These can be quite difficult to do when he/she really needs to stay with the mom during labor. Having a second support person there allows the father/partner to take those much needed breaks so he/she can return refreshed and ready to help mom. Additionally, with long labors the dad/partner may run out of suggestions for the mom to try (positions, breathing techniques, massages, etc.). The doula will be that supply of endless suggestions.
In summary, the doula can free the dad/partner from the stress of knowing what to do, say and suggest, and allow him/her to do what he/she does better than anyone else…love and support the mom.